Working with Lilith & Weight Loss. Part 1 of my fitness story!
Lilith. What is she known for? Killing babies, being the antagonist in almost every witchy spin-off, show or movie? Or does your brain go to straight up evil energy? ‘Mom said never to talk about her lol” - if you know, then you know.
Most of us know her as the woman who had some sort of alluring hold on vampire Bill in True blood or for her famous role as the baby eating, teacher impersonating demon witch character on the new Sabrina series but who is Lilith really and why has she all of a sudden entered the chat?
In Christian mythology, Lilith is known as Adam’s first wife, the one that wouldn't obey (that’s why they needed Eve), who un-surprisingly also had some ‘obedience’ issues. As the story goes, Lilith didn’t want to be on her back while Adam laid down the pipe, when she realized that her being in a ‘control’ position during sex wasn’t allowed by Adam and “God” well, Lilith had a problem with that.
Long story short, she fled the Garden of Eden, went to live as a recluse and she found herself in solitude. Lilith began to recognize during her time alone that she didn’t need God, the garden or Adam to live, to find happiness and most importantly be authentic to herself.
Lilith came to me at the very beginning of my business building journey in 2019. I didn’t think much of it, as I have always been spiritual, into the woo and worked with different deities and Arch Angels in my time. But rather quickly, a healthy curiosity about Lilith and what she stands for, turned into the foundations of my empire.
I created courses, taught masterclasses, guest spoke on dozens of podcasts and gave hundreds of readings centered around Lilith and shadow work.
Little did I know that all the while, I was head first in her world of shadow integration, pattern breaking and receiving a plethora of codes that was my responsibility to deliver to the collective, I was also working through my biggest shadow yet…my weight.
I always thought of myself as one of those cool, confident big girls. I knew I was pretty, just heavy-set, and I never had a problem getting a man but all of that was fake, it was a facade. I had struggled with my weight since I was born into this world. A true 90’s kid, get home from school and make a hot pocket and watch Nickelodeon in the afternoon and eat Eggo waffles during Saturday morning cartoons like Recess.
My mother is a mother who was nursing her own mother wounds, and often showed her love through food. As a kid who never really quite fit in, much to your surprise I was quite a shy child (blame it on my Cancer rising) I emotionally ate away the bullies at school and the ‘friends’ who would pick on me in a not so secret way.
It wasn’t until my teens when I actually wanted to do something about my weight. I obsessed and obsessed, cutting out pictures of Twiggy and Tyra. If you remember, thin was in during the late 90’s and early 2000’s) and pasting these skinny legends on my wall, idolizing this body type out of conditioning and wanting the approval via the avenue of self loathing was just the way of the world at that time.
Over the years I have been defined by the word yo-yo. I would slave away in the gym and eat as little as possible until that got old and I would binge eat from the restriction and the cycle would repeat, sound familiar?
It wasn’t until I got to college that I truly began to believe that I was just one of those people meant to be in a bigger body and I would have to deal….and so I did, for years. Hiding how self conscious I was about how much physical space I took up with my wittiness, my intelligence or my humor. After college, I fell into the industry trap that so many millennials did. Sure, I worked in my field for a while, here and there, but the main squeeze was serving and bartending.
I spent 10 years inside that industry, eating one meal a day at 2am after going out for drinks and other party favors with my fellow industry folks. Boy, did I have fun - until it wasn’t fun anymore. I looked at my world one day, 8 years out of college, with a bunch of empty beer cans around my house and my peter pan of an ex, who at that time I swore was the love of my life and I decided to step on a scale for the first time in a long time and saw 320 pounds.
👀
I was gooped, to say the least.
When did this happen?
The scale must be wrong?
How did I let myself get like this?
It’s over….
I never knew what hopelessness felt like until I saw that number.
Well this has been a whole song and dance down memory lane and I’m sure you’re curious about what I did next. Be on the lookout for the rest of the story coming to the blog on 6/1.
Big Love,
Ashley
Ashley Michelle
Lightworker, starseed, guide
It is my soul mission to help you AWAKEN to new portals of potential so that you can connect and collaborate with Source energy and your guides with confidence and clarity.
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